Facing Our Fears

When I was a child I was very good at football and baseball.  Since it was the seventies, and while women’s lib has began to change things for those of us of the female persuasion, little league was still off limits to me.  It would be another few
years, before I ever saw a girl playing on an organized team filled with boys.  Even though I was good enough, I had to sit on the sidelines.

Then, when I was ten years old, my school had team tryouts for a girl’s softball team.  It wasn’t baseball, but it was the closest I would ever get to it.  So, I immediately signed up.  I couldn’t speak of anything else.  My enthusiasm was practically boiling over.  However, on the day of the tryout, my nerves started to settle in until they took over my whole Being.  In one fell swoop, my ardor was replaced with shear and undeniable fear. 

I feigned sickness to my mother and proclaimed that I would not be attending my tryouts.  Thankfully, Mom figured out what was going on and she made me go.  Admittedly, I was not a happy camper and I grumbled during my entire walk back to the school field—but, then I tried out and made the team!  Needless to say, I was on my very own cloud 9.  I can remember my mother’s smile as I returned home announcing my good fortune.

While I have long since turned in my cleats, my passion for things that I care about certainly has not died.  However, sometimes fear makes itself known to me and once again I turn into that ten year old girl that I once was.

It recently happened when I was asked to be on my friend, Karen Hager’s radio show as her guest.  I knew for a month in advance that I would be on her show and I was excited.  I want to be on stage, teaching others what I have learned in my life.  This is why I am here.  I know this to be true from the bottom of my heart to the tips of my toes and fingernails and back up through the crown of my head.  I am a teacher.  Unfortunately, even though I know this to be true, my fear button kicked on and my nerves felt like they might explode at any given moment.

In fact, I almost called the whole thing off—twice.  I wrote Karen a note—also twice—telling her I was not right for the show saying I could not possibly do it.  Thankfully, on these occasions, the Universe intervened on my behalf, and told me to delete both emails before I sent them.  OK, so I would “have” to do the shows.  The only way I thought I could handle it though was to write a big fat script so that I could read my lines instead of having a normal conversation—that way, I couldn’t possibly make a mistake and show the world that I am human.  I had done this very thing before on all my previous appearances and I would just have to do it again.

For weeks, I had intended on each day to write out my notes, but life always seemed to interfere so that I could not be prepared.  Even the day before the show, I only had a two hour window for prep-work and I got stuck in traffic and couldn’t do anything about it.  I laughed as I stared at the cars surrounding me, because I knew what the Universe was doing.  The show must go on and I had to just wing it without knowing where the road was taking me.

…and that’s what I did.

Ten minutes beforehand, I boiled the water in the kettle and filled my oversized tea mug with the hot water along with a bag of calm tea (yes, it is really called calm) and went on the air.  I was nervous and I know where I left out things that I wanted to say, but when I listened to the recording later, I realized that I actually sounded pretty good and the things I left out, were not that big of a deal.

I patted myself on the back, because I did it and I felt really good.  I was taking my next step towards actually being on stage talking to a large group.  It was then when I began to receive comments on how good I was on the show.  People I didn’t know signed up for my monthly newsletter and on my Facebook page—and that felt good too.  I was being reminded that this is why I am here.

It seems to me that we have this idea that Spiritual Awakening means that fears suddenly jump off of our personal ships never to be heard from again.  What really happens is that fear may show its face from time to time and when it does we then have an opportunity to say, “Hey, I see you there and I recognize you, but I am going full speed ahead just the same.  So, take that you ego-voice inside my head!  I am listening to Spirit!”

Let’s face it, we can all just sit on the sidelines watching life pass us by, or we can get right on in there and do our thing anyway.  What will happen when we face our fears is that there will be a whole lot of smiling faces.  We will be on our missions that we came here to do—and believe me that is a beautiful thing.

Thank you for reading and Namaste! (The Light in me recognizes the Light in you!)

PS. If you would like to listen in on my guest appearance on Karen Hager’s Out of the Fog show from March 26, 2013, please visit my site HERE.

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