The Dark Side of the Soul

It has been a tough several months for me. To say that I have been hanging out with my shadow would have been an understatement. While I have visited the dark side before, it has never gone this deep—not ever. I haven't wanted to talk to anybody.
I haven't wanted to write. I have left social media by the wayside. I haven't wanted to do much of anything, but wallow in the depths of misery that I had created. Needless to say, I wasn't having much of a fun time.

I had to reach rock bottom before my Soul had the strength to move upward towards the Light. Thankfully, the Light has begun to shine again. What was the key to unlocking the door of transformation?

...Vulnerability.

Exposing my soul to be naked for all to see is not something I am usually very good at. I have a tendency to keep my guard not only up, I keep it about a mile thick so that no one can possibly penetrate the walls I have built around me. It's a lifelong habit. When things are going in the wrong direction, I just deal with my garbage on my own. I don't want to trouble anyone with my stuff. This time I didn't do that. I asked for help. I told the back story. I spoke my truth. 

It wasn't easy. In fact, it was the hardest thing I have ever done. But the moment I did it—the moment I faced my fears and stepped up to the plate—everything felt better. Whoosh. Just like that. It was as though the dark fog that had been residing in my mind had suddenly vanished. The weight of the world jumped off from my shoulders and the shackles that held me in place were released from my arms and legs.

I had known for quite some time that I needed to hang out with vulnerability, but I kept putting it off. And putting it off. And putting it off. But when I reached crisis mode, I couldn't put it off any longer. When I allowed myself to be vulnerable, I opened up the gateway of universal wisdom that had been previously blocked off during my time of despair. With my new level of awareness, it began to flow freely again. Before, I was just stuck. Stuck in the muck of despair. But when I allowed my truth to be told, the Universe jumped to its feet and applauded. And a feeling of serenity was my reward.

I am not saying I don't have more work to do. If I am still in this body and on this planet, then I most assuredly have more work to do. However, as I lightened the load in that one instant, I took my healing even further by looking at the darkness. Why did it manifest? What was I here to learn? How could I make it better? Challenges I had been struggling to find the answers to for nearly my whole life finally made themselves manifest. I had been asking these questions for years and suddenly the answers showed up—just like that. Opening myself up to vulnerability was the impetus. And I am grateful for the reward that I have reaped. 

Moreover, in the last few days, I started writing again. I have been visiting with friends again. I have been creative again. I have allowed myself to be out in the world again instead of hidden away like a prisoner in solitary confinement. My confinement has ended.

Hallelujah!

Even strangers have approached me in order to tell me that they can sense my Light. Needless to say, I have been in gratitude that it's not just an inner feeling, but it can be viscerally felt by others, as well—and the Universe has been kind enough to bring me these messengers who have acknowledged that I am on the right path.

I have crossed the threshold of a new beginning. And as I look back upon the last few months, I recognize the purpose this time has held for me. I recognize the Spiritual aspect within the darkness. We all have a shadow. It is a part of us. We can't get rid of it. When we respect it, then we can move forward. 

I am reminded of an episode of Star Trek where Captain Kirk is split into two personalities due to a transporter malfunction—The good Captain Kirk and the bad one. Initially, the viewer can't help but root for the good captain to win out. The evil Kirk should not be here. However, as we dive more deeply into the show, we discover that the without the evil side, the good captain could not make a decision. He could not function. He was hopeless without the bad version of him. It was the dark side that made him focused as well as a great leader. He had simply learned to respect that aspect within him and used it for a higher good.

The thing to remember is that it's not about getting rid of the shadow. A tree doesn't look at its shadow and say, "Hey, you down there, I want you to go away!" It simply is a part of the tree. And the shadow of the tree offers shade to us, cooling us down. Even within the darkness there is goodness. It's just up to us to remember that we are here to experience the rainbow of emotions—the good, the bad and the ugly. When we allow ourselves to be perfectly imperfect, a shift occurs within us enabling the magic of the Universe to unfold.

Thank you for reading and Namaste! (The Light within me recognizes the Light in you!)

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