Wednesday, June 1, 2016

Today I Turned 50

Today, I turned 50. I didn't melt down. I didn't cry. I am just here being me. Another year older, and hopefully another year wiser. That being said, I think of all that I have learned over the years. For instance, we live in a culture that despises middle age. We have
been taught to try to do anything we can to turn back the clock. This is particularly true for women. If we don't get face lifts. Botox and tummy tucks we are somehow not good enough. These false-fixes are all signs of self-loathing and non-acceptance to keep us down. As though the entire basis for our self-worth is our exterior appearance. That nothing else matters, that nothing else counts. We have stopped listening to the call to become the wisdom keepers we were meant to be—the guides for those who are younger and who need our assistance stepping into their own Light.

As I muse about my age, I must admit that I myself am still afflicted with the age-ism regarding my own self-worth. I can't help it. It has been ingrained within me. I remember when 30 was ancient. And now I am old enough to have a 30 year old child. But am I any different? Am I any worse for wear? No. Of course not. In fact, I am better. I see the world from a higher place and I have chosen to not allow this affliction to gain any more momentum. I feel it losing its intensity. It's becoming smaller and smaller until all that is left is me—the real me. The important me. The me living in authenticity.

Yep, I have a few more wrinkles. I have a few more grey hairs too. Moreover, I am not as lithe as I used to be and I have to don a pair reading glasses if I want to see the small print on the page. But that's okay. I have 18,250 days worth of information stored in my psyche that has helped to weave the path of my life together. It has been a journey. One that hasn't always been easy, but good nonetheless. With each of my life's scars, I have grown. I have adapted. I have shifted my perception. I see the beauty in the chaos. Not every single moment. I still fall down. But then I get back up and learn to see the lesson behind the experience—no matter what. And I am not only stronger for it, I am in gratitude, as well.

This coming year in particular, I feel it is a time of transformation. As though I am standing at a precipice of a new reality. All I have to do is jump. But this time, instead of falling, I shall fly. I am choosing to tear myself away from the cocoon that has been sheltering me in order to step into being the beautiful butterfly I was always meant to be. That's because I have decided to let the proverbial B.S. go. I have been holding onto fear for five decades now, and it's time to release it so that I may make space for the good stuff to roll in.  

And the Universe is mirroring this intention I have set for myself. Just this morning, while catching up on my Facebook posts, I caught a glimpse of this quote by BrenĂ© Brown that resonated with my thoughts and I wanted to share it.

"I think mid-life is when the universe gently places her hand upon your shoulders, pulls you close, and whispers in your ear: I am not screwing around. It's time. All of this pretending and performing—these coping mechanisms that you've developed to protect yourself from feeling inadequate and getting hurt—has to go. Your armor is preventing you from growing into your gifts. I understand that you needed these protections when you were small. I understand that you believed your armor could help you secure all of the things you needed to feel worthy of love and belonging, but you're still searching and you're more lost than ever. Time is growing short. There are unexplored adventures ahead of you. You can't live the rest of your life worried about what other people think. You were born worthy of love and belonging. Courage and daring are coursing through you. You were made to live and love with your whole heart. It's time to show up and be seen."

Hear, hear, lady. It's time to shake things up and live an authentic life. Be the me I was always meant to be. Important. Wise. And of course, beautiful.

..and so it is.

Thank you for reading and Namaste! (The Light in me recognizes the Light in you!)

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