A friend of mine is currently going through a rough break-up. Her emotions are all over the place. She wants to move-on from her partner, but she is confused. Her ex is being nice to her lately, so she is thinking that she should take him back. She says she is seeing the person she fell in love with that she hasn’t seen in a long time. As an outside observer I can honestly say that these two have argued over the years since the first time I saw them together a decade ago. But my friend is wavering. I started thinking about this emotional roller coaster and how I have been there myself during difficult times, whether the events are difficult relationships or another set of circumstances. Yet, when I look back on those events today, I see them from an objective perspective. While once certain things could have taken my breath away from anxiety, now I see them as learning tools that I needed to grow.
This realization got me thinking. Why is it that we create so much drama in our lives while something is happening, only to see it for what it really is years later? Think about all the times in your lifetime that tipped the emotional scale so disproportionately out of whack.
When I was growing up, occasionally some of the other kids would take my last name Tunney (which sounds like money) and turn into “tunafish”. Taunting boys would call me Lisa Tunafish. This was absolutely devastating to me at the time. I could think of no worse scenario. How could they make fun of my name, making me stand out among the rest? Why would they do that? I felt horrible.
Obviously, as an adult, I think of this name calling as a way for immature boys to get my attention. It seems so silly to me how I reacted at the time. Even if they were intentionally trying to be mean to me, it seems to me now like such a small thing. I am proud of my last name and if someone were to ever make fun of it then I would simply feel compassion for their need to be aggressive. So what has changed in my way of thinking? In this case, thirty years have passed and I can remember these circumstances as an objective bystander. It no longer has the same dramatic effect it once had.
And what about past relationships that were once trying on my emotional state? The same thing applies here. I waivered for a year in a half with one boyfriend and three years with another whether or not I should break up with them. One side of me saw the good they had to offer, the other side of me was being tormented nearly on a daily basis dealing with their ineptitude to respect our relationship. Many tears were poured during those days. Now, I simply see that they were reflecting who I was in that moment. I don’t blame them for anything. I honor them for the lessons I have learned to get me to this moment right now.
So why is it that something so small can be elevated to such emotional turmoil while we are going through it? It is simply because we are not living in the moment. Every “negative” reaction to something is based on remembering how we reacted during a similar event in the past and bringing that emotional response directly to this moment.
When we repeat in our minds that we could not possibly live without our recent ex-partners, I assure you that you can. Would you still want to be with your high school sweetheart? Probably not. You have moved on from the relationship of so long ago. It’s just that this break-up is so new that you feel that it is the end. It is not. The truth is you are remembering heartbreak from any and all previous breakups. You have dug up the amalgam of emotional responses to past breakups and have brought them right into your present, making this one seem like the end of the world. While you may not be bothered about your boyfriend from twenty years ago, your feelings about the breakup are carried over into your feelings about the present breakup. Feelings of abandonment, loneliness and all the rest resurface.
In time, this event will simply be another that is part of the past. Where once you were in dismay, you will probably become grateful for this particular ending. It no longer reflects who you are and it will get you to the next step. Hallelujah!
If you stopped for one moment to take a look at your current situation ‘right now’, what is going on? The truth is that in ‘this moment’ you are fine. And in ‘this moment’ you are fine. And in ‘this moment’ you are also fine. If we string together the ubiquitous moments of our lives we will see that we have been fine all along. Even if you are facing what may seem like impending doom. You may have lost your job, lost your home, lost everything…but in ‘this moment’ you are still fine.
We need to learn to not hold on to everything so tightly. Life is about change. The world is constantly changing. If you decidedly try not to change, the Universe will most emphatically slap you in the face with change. Instead of thinking that hindsight is 20/20, why not think that the present is 20/20 too? When moving through a difficult situation, try to remember to breathe. Breathe deeply and focus on this moment. When feelings based on previous learned behavior are brought forth, simply thank it for coming, for it has taught you a lesson and move back into the present. For right now in this moment, you are fine.
Thank you for reading and Namaste! (The Light in me recognizes the Light in you!)
This realization got me thinking. Why is it that we create so much drama in our lives while something is happening, only to see it for what it really is years later? Think about all the times in your lifetime that tipped the emotional scale so disproportionately out of whack.
When I was growing up, occasionally some of the other kids would take my last name Tunney (which sounds like money) and turn into “tunafish”. Taunting boys would call me Lisa Tunafish. This was absolutely devastating to me at the time. I could think of no worse scenario. How could they make fun of my name, making me stand out among the rest? Why would they do that? I felt horrible.
Obviously, as an adult, I think of this name calling as a way for immature boys to get my attention. It seems so silly to me how I reacted at the time. Even if they were intentionally trying to be mean to me, it seems to me now like such a small thing. I am proud of my last name and if someone were to ever make fun of it then I would simply feel compassion for their need to be aggressive. So what has changed in my way of thinking? In this case, thirty years have passed and I can remember these circumstances as an objective bystander. It no longer has the same dramatic effect it once had.
And what about past relationships that were once trying on my emotional state? The same thing applies here. I waivered for a year in a half with one boyfriend and three years with another whether or not I should break up with them. One side of me saw the good they had to offer, the other side of me was being tormented nearly on a daily basis dealing with their ineptitude to respect our relationship. Many tears were poured during those days. Now, I simply see that they were reflecting who I was in that moment. I don’t blame them for anything. I honor them for the lessons I have learned to get me to this moment right now.
So why is it that something so small can be elevated to such emotional turmoil while we are going through it? It is simply because we are not living in the moment. Every “negative” reaction to something is based on remembering how we reacted during a similar event in the past and bringing that emotional response directly to this moment.
When we repeat in our minds that we could not possibly live without our recent ex-partners, I assure you that you can. Would you still want to be with your high school sweetheart? Probably not. You have moved on from the relationship of so long ago. It’s just that this break-up is so new that you feel that it is the end. It is not. The truth is you are remembering heartbreak from any and all previous breakups. You have dug up the amalgam of emotional responses to past breakups and have brought them right into your present, making this one seem like the end of the world. While you may not be bothered about your boyfriend from twenty years ago, your feelings about the breakup are carried over into your feelings about the present breakup. Feelings of abandonment, loneliness and all the rest resurface.
In time, this event will simply be another that is part of the past. Where once you were in dismay, you will probably become grateful for this particular ending. It no longer reflects who you are and it will get you to the next step. Hallelujah!
If you stopped for one moment to take a look at your current situation ‘right now’, what is going on? The truth is that in ‘this moment’ you are fine. And in ‘this moment’ you are fine. And in ‘this moment’ you are also fine. If we string together the ubiquitous moments of our lives we will see that we have been fine all along. Even if you are facing what may seem like impending doom. You may have lost your job, lost your home, lost everything…but in ‘this moment’ you are still fine.
We need to learn to not hold on to everything so tightly. Life is about change. The world is constantly changing. If you decidedly try not to change, the Universe will most emphatically slap you in the face with change. Instead of thinking that hindsight is 20/20, why not think that the present is 20/20 too? When moving through a difficult situation, try to remember to breathe. Breathe deeply and focus on this moment. When feelings based on previous learned behavior are brought forth, simply thank it for coming, for it has taught you a lesson and move back into the present. For right now in this moment, you are fine.
Thank you for reading and Namaste! (The Light in me recognizes the Light in you!)
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