A Lesson Learned About Anger

As human beings, we all carry a rainbow of various emotions; the good, the bad and the ugly. Sometimes we are happy; sometimes we are sad; sometimes we find ourselves being angry. Recently someone asked me if there was something wrong with her since she was feeling a lot of anger this year. She questioned this because none of the metaphysical books she reads talks about anger. They all say that in order to be happy you have to change your negative thoughts to happy thoughts. Since I was about to write a paper on anger, I thought the Universe was sending me a message. I responded to her concerns in kind by saying that anger is a human emotion. It is a part of each and every one of us, even the Dali Lama. While it is true our thoughts are the key to our happiness, they need to be genuine thoughts of happiness. Pretending to be happy when you are really angry, only leads to suppressing this so-called ‘negative’ emotion. This, in turn, only allows it to fester inside of us for hours, days, or even years. I continued that in order for that not to happen, we need to honor the anger that we feel in order to move through it and eventually release it.

Does that mean that it’s a good thing to fly off the deep end throwing pots and pans at your husband and cursing at him until you are blue in the face? Only you can be the judge of yourself. However, you may want to consider if the reason you are throwing the pots and pans in the first place is because you have allowed your anger to gnaw at you for so long that this is the only release that you have at your disposal.

What does anger do to us when we hold onto it? I know from experience, if you cling to your anger, the smallest thing can set us off. Several years ago, someone driving along side me cut me off. My reaction was that of a mad woman. I became so angry I chased him home, speeding through residential streets, not paying attention to my surroundings. My heart was racing; every ounce of my being clenched tightly. When we arrived at his house, I took my seatbelt off, threw my door open and jumped out of my car in what seemed to be a single motion. I then screamed profanities at him belittling his manhood. All this because he cut me off; an action that took a couple of seconds out of my life.

Looking back on this event, it seems so hard for me to believe that that momentarily insane person was me, but it was. I grew up seeing anger in so many places I didn’t want anything to do with it. Unfortunately, I was a ticking time bomb just waiting for the opportune moment to explode and when it finally happened, it was not a pretty site.

Unresolved anger doesn’t just show its ugly head in crazy momentary lapses of judgment. It can have even more damaging long-term affects by manifesting itself into physical ailments such as cancer and heart attacks. We live in a world that is moving at warp speed. We juggle jobs, chores, kids, soccer games and a plethora of other things that we aren’t taking time to smell the roses. Anger lurks beneath the surface of so many of us it’s no wonder regular Joe’s go ‘postal.’ Who is the anger hurting in the long-run? It is only hurting us.

I see anger a little differently now. I see it as an opportunity. I know someone whose step-sons’ biological father is a bit of a nuisance…OK, a great big chunk of nuisance is more like it. When the biological father found out his wife of 8 years was pregnant he responded that he was getting a divorce. While he had contact with his son, he never paid child support and when his son grew up, he even stole from him. So, you get the picture of the kind of person this man is. My friend has held such deep anger towards this man, spouting off about him every time his name is mentioned. For 32 years he has held onto his anger. That is a long time to be carrying a grudge. In this case, my feeling is that from a physical perspective the bio-dad is quite simply a jerk. However, from a spiritual perspective, I believe he planted “the seed” so that his son could be born in order for my friend to become his dad; to raise and care for him as his own. From that perspective it was quite an extraordinary gift this ‘jerk’ made.

Sometimes we need to step outside of our proverbial boxes to see things from a bigger picture. If we are so deeply rooted in our anger we can only see what’s directly in front of us. As we honor our anger and move past it, the rhythm of this emotion will move more quickly and we will not only simply see what is directly in front of us, but our peripheral vision will expand until we can see at a 360 degree view. We will see colors, shapes and have clarity that we didn’t have before.

How long do you stay angry? An hour, a day, 20 years? When we hold the energy of anger inside ourselves, it only perpetuates the anger. On the other hand, when we move through it and genuinely turn it into the energy of happiness it flows throughout our body and then moves out spreading to others.

Thank you for reading and Namaste! (The Light in me recognizes the Light in you!)