While perusing the channels on the television, I came across a rerun of Joan of Arcadia I hadn’t seen since its first airing 7 or 8 years earlier. The premise of the show is that God visits a teenage girl from suburbia, Joan, and asks her to act on his behalf on Earth. God might appear as a little girl, an old woman, a janitor, a butcher, the possibilities are endless…not to mention “hot” God. During each episode maybe 3 or 4 versions of God would show up requesting that Joan perform various tasks. Initially, it was difficult convincing her that these “people” she was seeing was actually God and that he wanted her, a cute, but nonetheless average teenager, with average grades in an average school to do his bidding. She constantly argued with God, which made the relationship more interesting to say the least, not to mention more believable to this viewer.
When it was still on prime time, my very Lutheran boyfriend at the time, who argued with me about religion constantly, couldn’t believe I liked this show. Why was I, a non-believer watching a series about God? While my spirituality was in its infancy stage, I still wasn’t sure if God existed or not. I told him that if God was indeed real I doubted very much that he would be the long haired with matching beard sporting a white robe version of God depicted so often in art throughout history. I questioned why this version of God who is all powerful would have reason to sit in judgment and damn us for our sins. That idea of God never made sense to me. I thought that if God existed he must be a kind, beneficent and loving God that could appear in any shape or form he or she wished; male or female, old or young, plant or tree. God would be everyone and everything. Joan of Arcadia, a mere television show, became a messenger for me as well as a catalyst for my evolving spiritual thinking.
In this particular episode Joan wanted to help heal the wounds between her brother and her father. So, what did God do? He told her to build a boat. Joan was utterly perplexed by this request. She wanted to help her family and God was asking her to build a boat. Needless to say this teenager did not want to build a boat, but as usual she begrudgingly agreed take charge of the assignment.
When she finally submitted and started the process of building the boat, she had a difficult time understanding the plans. While she was able to get the skeletal part of the structure completed, she became completely lost after that. Then in a moment of desperation her creative juices kicked in and she threw the plans away. She began to scavenge the house for various items consisting of perhaps wood, plastic, tape and any other random item she could find and began fastening her boat together. The interesting thing is that all the pieces collected actually fit together. She became inspired where all she could do was eat, breathe and create her masterpiece. She became so consumed with the project she missed a week of school. In her mind, she had an extraordinary gift and she wanted to explore it to its fullest potential. Frankly, it looked more like a contemporary work of art, rather than an actual boat that would float, but she was determined nonetheless.
During one of her few breaks, she overheard her brother and father arguing and she began to feel guilty that she wasn’t able the help them. Suddenly, God appeared as a “voice” on the radio telling her to ask him a question. She said that she was given this wonderful gift as a boat builder, but she wanted to trade it in for another gift to help heal the wounds in her family. God told her to continue to “build the boat.” Joan was more bewildered then ever, but she continued with the task at hand.
After a time, she spied on her brother through a window who was found taking apart the boat. The father walked in on him and asked what he was doing. He relayed that this thing would never float and he was going to rebuild it. His father agreed and they began tearing it apart together in order to rebuild it properly. In that moment, Joan realized that God had her build the boat in order to heal her family.
Obviously, the tearing down and rebuilding of the boat served metaphorically as a tearing down and rebuilding of their relationship. Joan had wanted to heal her family. God instructed her to build a boat. While in the midst of the situation, she didn’t understand what God was asking of her, but she is not all knowing. God is. She could not see the light at the end of the tunnel, but in the end she got exactly what she wanted.
As per usual, the universe was sending me a message at just the right time, as I, too, am having challenges with my own father. In the last year and half I have had a deep financial hardship where I went from having the perfect home to living out of my car. I belonged to a high end gym and was able to take showers every day and hide the truth from my friends, family and clients for 13 months. Then one day my car died its final death and I had nowhere to live. It was either a park bench or move in with my parents.
I think that any 42 year old self sufficient independent woman would have a challenging time living with her parents, but for me it seemed like the worst possible scenario. I had lived in my car for so long just to avoid living with my parents. At least then I had my freedom. Alas, the universe was directing me to be there, so their home is where I went.
I hadn’t lived with my father since I was five years old and we have always sort of clashed. He is Mr. Conservative and I have not only long since left the corporate life behind, I am a starving writer and spiritual healer studying for my Master’s degree in Metaphysics. Needless to say, he doesn’t get me at all.
My father and I either tiptoe around each other as to not to stir up any disagreements or we argue or worst yet we go for days without speaking to one another. Living under one roof is not easy. He wants everything in everyone’s life to be his way. I want my freedom to choose the way I live. I don’t want to be treated like a 12 year old spelling out all the details of my daily schedule. I want to create. He wants to tear me apart.
After watching this episode of Joan of Arcadia again, I realized that I too am “building a boat.” The Universe wants me here for a reason. I believe I am supposed to heal a struggling father/daughter relationship I have been a part of for over four decades. I can not see what the end result is, but I am continuing on my path, knowing full well that God does. As I become aligned with my purpose, I know there is Light at the end of my tunnel. I know that my finances will change and I won’t always live here. I know that this is the perfect opportunity for me to heal our relationship. I know that my father does the best he can with the information he has, as we all do and I can find compassion in knowing that he worries about me because he loves me. I also know that another human being can not make me miserable. Only I can do that. I create my own freedom.
Sometimes it is difficult to see why we struggle, but I know that everything in life has its lessons. Take the opportunity to learn from each event and you will no longer be presented with that particular challenge. Know that the storm clouds do eventually part, and the sun shines brightly. Remember that we are all masters at "building our boats."
Thank you for reading and Namaste! (The Light in me recognizes the Light in you!)
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